I get a
lot of emails each week from authors asking questions about optioning, selling
or adapting their work for the movies or TV. While I always try to answer as
best I can, nothing comes close to hearing about the actual process in action.
My latest
Hollywood war story concerns the licensing of my mystery character, Fiona FitzGerald, the heroine of my six mystery books, to Lifetime Television
for a potential one-hour series.
Tottering
between hope and reluctance, I allowed my agent to proceed with the deal. I
was partnered with a Producer who was supposed to shepherd the development
through the network minefield leading to a pilot from which the network would
judge whether to move forward to a regular series.
As
always, I assumed that as the creator of the material, my input would
be solicited and respected as the project moved forward. It is, of
course, a weakness in my character to be addicted with such a delusion since I
know from bitter experience that once my work falls into the hands of the
Hollywood crowd it disappears into a mist of creative confusion and
imaginative paralysis.
Fiona's
character and the geography of her world was so clearly defined in my six
books that I could not remotely contemplate any but the most minor changes. In
my stories, Fiona is a woman in her early thirties, whose father had been a
respected Senator from New York, now deceased. She has been brought up in the
privileged environment of Washington, where her schoolmates and friends had
been the progeny of the so-called power elite.
Alas, it
was not be. No sooner had I granted the license than I was exiled to oblivion.
A committee sprang up, none of who had the slightest experience with the
Washington scene nor had they any insight into the character of Fiona. The
script was then "Lifetimized," meaning special moments that were
thought to appeal to their female audience were sprinkled throughout. This led
to characters saying things like, "Shoes make the moment," and
"The big party is tonight and you still need a fabulous dress!" The
last line sounds like it comes from the mouth of a teenager - but no, it is
Fiona's sister.
I was
never invited to attend any so-called "creative" meetings and,
although I did see script draft after script draft and fired back numerous
memos to little effect, I could see that poor Fiona had been figuratively
raped. Her adored father was brought to life as a rainmaking lawyer, her wise
coroner friend had become a politically correct Latina, and her best friend
had become her sister.
Clichés
infected the script like viruses. The plot - thankfully, not based on any of
my stories - dealt with a Congresswoman caught on tape having sex with a yoga
instructor. She is then blackmailed by a tabloid writer who is subsequently
murdered by the Congresswoman's limousine driver. He keeps his gun in the
refrigerator! Good God! Worse, when discovered, the Congresswoman utters the
immortal line that what one saw on the tape, "Was not really who I
am." Yikes!
Never
mind that the actress playing Fiona was about ten years too young or
the Washington connection, both visually and script wise, was absurd and
almost non-existent.
The pilot
was a well-deserved turndown by the Lifetime folks, not to mention a million
and half dollars on production down the tubes. Not to worry. Television burns
at least a hundred million on no-go pilots.
Call it
carping, second-guessing, sour grapes, hindsight, spite or whatever nastiness
comes to mind; I blame no one but myself and my addiction to optimism for the
fiasco. Everyone connected with the project really believed they were doing
the right thing. Need I repeat the homily describing what the road to hell is
paved with?
The
experience did, however, afford me a few extra bucks to add to my children's
inheritance. And in 18 months the rights to Fiona will return to me and I will
fight the battle again at some future time. Of course, the books are still
available and, as solace, I've just completed a new one.
In
baseball and in life, it's not too shabby to bat .500. The movie adaptation of
The War of the Roses was fabulous. The
PBS Trilogy The Sunset Gang based on my
short stories was marvelous. I wrote my opinion about Random Hearts in the New York Times and
now you've got a good idea of how I feel about the Fiona fiasco.
I could
write a book about it, but I'm sure you all get the idea. So you want to write
for the movies?
- Warren Adler
